Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You took a bar mat shot.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
