You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
as a side note pls kill me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
