hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
