is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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