I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
