you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
