1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
