PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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