If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
