Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
