is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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