Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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