You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dicks are not precious.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
