winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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