pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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