what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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