Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
