the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
