so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
