Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
