Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
she looked like the before picture.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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