So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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