thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
