Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
