i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
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