"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
my liver is dry heaving
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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