no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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