my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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