I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
