goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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