No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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