dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
