Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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