Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
