my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
