Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
