I think I won the penis lottery.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
