I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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