I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
