i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
