Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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