It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
