Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
