I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
