and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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