I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So much rum. So many feels.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
