i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
