She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
