My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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