Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Can i not drive my cunt home
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
