There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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