Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
