You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
4 words: hood of his car
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
