dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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