Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
