imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
