i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My vagina just recognized that song.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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