I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
