Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
