i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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