I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
