the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
