I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
My vagina is officially offended.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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