Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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