maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
