Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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