saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
