The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize